I go through a cycle of diets — no-carb, low-carb, vegetarian, vegan, liquid, no-sugar and the no-salt diet. I like switching between them. The problem is they last a month before I go back to eating regular food for a while, then pick the next diet. I know, unhealthy.

I do find it odd when someone goes on one of these extreme diets and they use so many substitutions. You’re giving something up for a reason; why eat a substitute full of chemicals and other crap just to get something that kinda/almost tastes like the original?

My mother is constantly going on (and off, an then back on) her BFFs diet, the Atkins Diet. I remember her lighting a candle the day he died. She was so distraught over his passing. She called the clinic asking where the funeral was and they kindly told her it’s only for friends and family, not idolaters.

When she’s on Atkins, she eats vegetables, meats and cheeses. That’s it. So many times she’s asked me to make the “Fake Mashed Potatoes.” I always have to remind her that it’s Mashed Cauliflower and not fake mashed potatoes.